Memoirs of a bar steward: Tuesday 15th August 2000

Tuesday 15th August 2000

1435 Hrs

I’ve been thinking about my father’s proposition about being the licensee of his new public house and I think that it is in fact a stellar idea. University is just one big waste of time. Who needs it? Not me. While everyone else is living a grubby stinky little student life, watching babies crawling on the ceiling, wearing their skiddy pants inside out in order to get an extra days wear, I’ll be in sunny Torquay making good money and building my middle class business empire. In years from now I’m sure I will probably meet most of these students, when ordering a take away at the nearest drive-thru.

Dad said he would rather me have my name above the door so to give me a leg up in life. I don’t blame him, he probably realizes that since I have a sixth form education I will have the superior ability to run a business. Miller said he wouldn’t be stupid enough to put his name to anything Dad’s doing, but he’s just jealous that I was asked and not him. It’s obvious he wouldn’t take it seriously, while Dad recognizes that I will turn it into the very best public house in the town. In fact Dad shouldn’t of just ‘asked’ me, he should of dropped to his knees and bloody well BEGGED me to help him run his business because I’m gonna make us all rich!

So I’m off to Torquay at the end of the week. I’ll help the family get this pub up and running and once it is a massive success by New Years, I will go and get myself another bar. I’ll be the next Richard Branson. He started off with a music shop above a shoe store and I’ll start my empire off with public houses. I’ve already started to make some notes:

1. Make it the best establishment in the southwest
2. Make the family respectable, and law abiding!
3. Invite celebrities to stay at the hotel over the pub and drink in our bar for free. We’ll make the money back because people will come in from all around the country to see’em at our place. I could also invite a TV crew to film me, Jacob Cox youngest licensee in the country, run my bar better than most landlords twice my age.
4. Ban karaoke forever. We will be a class venue. Karaoke is stupid and we will have a finer type of people in our premise
5. Open up more venues in a few months when The Royal Ship is making a fortune. Maybe think up a brand name like Virgin. Cox Shop?
6. I will not drink!!!
7. DO NOT LET MILLER SLEEP WITH THE STAFF. In fact only hire ugly staff so Miller does not try to bed them and cause internal staffing problems.

Anyway, that’s all I can think of at the moment. I’ll keep updates as often as possible

About Memoirs of a bar steward

Jacob Cox is 18 and finds himself running his family's new business, a dilapidated bar in a forgotten seaside town. Jacob longs to escape his family of villains, liars and psychopaths. Could the bar be his last chance to make money and get away from everyone he despises? Is his family really that bad or is he actually worse than all of them put together?

To make the business a success he needs help from his dangerous twin brother Miller, his disastrous best friend Curly and his annoyingly cool younger brother Clint. It's a perilous undertaking with monstrous foes and maybe even love (or just deadly sex). If his con artist father, gang member mother, and his sinister little sister Marie don't destroy his plans, maybe, just maybe he can escape.

A screwball comedy about a dysfunctional family who need each other to survive.

SAMPLE BLOG ENTRY:

Saturday 19th August 2000

1542 Hrs

THE MEETING

Dad should be French. He gives up too easily. He spends too much time feeling sorry for himself, and not enough time doing anything useful. He woke me up early this morning at 10am to tell me that he was calling a critical family meeting this afternoon (secret from Mom of course) at 1 o‟clock, because he had something very important to discuss with all of the family. Dad of course didn‟t really have the authority to call meetings about my business but I thought I would indulge him; he might surprise me and have something useful to say.

“Last night I learnt new information which caused me to **** my pants”. Well done Dad, what a great way to start a business conference, I should use that line when I‟m in Parliament in a few years. He went on to explain to Miller, Clint and Curly what the late Bertie and Antony had told me and him before they killed each other last night (basically that the pub makes **** all money).

“I‟ve got enough dough to keep this place running for roughly a month. If it isn‟t making any money by the end of that period, then we‟re ****ed. We‟re gonna lose the business, we‟re gonna lose the roof over our heads and I‟m gonna lose….well we‟re all going to lose our shot at the good life. What I want from you lot are ideas to get the punters and the money rolling in”

I tried to tell Dad that he was worrying for no reason, that I had a Masterplan but he wasn‟t having any of it. He said that he wanted us all to go off and have a good, long, hard think. He has called another meeting (yet again he stressed, no word to Mom about it) for 3 o‟clock tomorrow, where he wants to hear what we have come up with. He said he will be picking only one idea and then we all must concentrate our combined efforts on it. Well if it makes the Umpa Loompas feel like they are contributing, then I suppose it will make for a happier chocolate factory, but I‟m sure everyone will see that I am the big Willy Wonka here!

Memoirs of a bar steward

Tuesday 15th August 2000

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