Brum Gunz:

Brummy chat online

Online:
The Bar Steward (Jacob H. Cox)
Brum Gunz (Koopa O’Shea)

Brum Gunz:
Alwright, Cox Boy, how’s it going in da deep south then? I hears off Milla that Hank came out to play last night.

The Bar Steward:
Here we go. No Hank did not make an appearance because Hank does not exist!

Brum Gunz:
No need to get stressed knobba. Milla told me some well funny stuff that you did! It sounds like you had a wicked night!

The Bar Steward:
Wicked?

Brum Gunz:
You had a laugh, yeah? Milla said you and him were ripping town apart.

The Bar Steward:
I can assure you that my brother and I do not share the same idea of fun! His idea of fun is getting wasted and punching me in the gob.

Brum Gunz:
That soundz like my idea of a good night!

The Bar Steward:
I LOST A BLOODY TOOTH! He’s lucky I didn’t kick his fat hairy ass all over the nightclub. I would have done it but I had my reputation to think about.

Brum Gunz:
Milla said you was sticking ya cock in peoples drinks!

The Bar Steward:
Miller is a lying fecker!

Brum Gunz:
Ha. Calm down, at least you’ll get a quid off of the tooth fairy.

The Bar Steward:
Yeah, and maybe Santa Claus will bring me a new twin for Christmas.


Brum Gunz:
Nah, he won’t be doing that mate.

The Bar Steward:
Why not?

Brum Gunz:
Cos he’s dead.

The Bar Steward:
Whose dead?

Brum Gunz:
Santa Claus. Father Christmas. The big HO HO HO fella.

The Bar Steward:
He doesn’t exist Koopa.

Brum Gunz:
Lol, I know that dildo! He doesn’t exist anymore cos he’s dead. He died during WW2.

The Bar Steward:
What?

Brum Gunz:
He got shot down over Nazi Germany in 1944. Unidentified flying object. Evil bastards those Nazi’s were! That’s why we won the war?

The Bar Steward:
Aye?

Brum Gunz:
Yeah. Da Allieds dropped leaflets all over Germany saying “Hitler killed Santa, revolt now”, and they did. Hitler shitted himself, knew the game was up and shot himself. War over. We won.

The Bar Steward:
Well that’s news to me.

Brum Gunz:
I suppose it’s a good thing really though.

The Bar Steward:
What? That Santa and Rudolf got shelled outta the sky.

Brum Gunz:
Yeah. Some old fat, sweaty bloke breaking into your kid’s bedroom in the middle of the night, giving’em a special present. That doesn’t sound right does it?

The Bar Steward:
I guess not.

Brum Gunz:
And he’d be dangerous for other reasons!


The Bar Steward:
What reasons are those then?

Brum Gunz:
Well he’s got the ability to get into anywhere he wants. There isn’t a government or criminal on the planet that wouldn’t want some of that technology! Either they’d try and recruit him or put a cap in his ass themselves. Imagine if Bin Laden took some of his elves hostages. Santa would be forced to into knocking off the US President quicker than the tubby bastard eats his mince pies. He’d have people trying to get him left, right and centre, man! He’d probably be like some badass 80’s action hero, fighting hard to stay alive!

The Bar Steward:
So I suppose I won’t be getting a new twin for Christmas then.

Brum Gunz:
Fraid not Cox.
So, did Milla or Clint manage to dip their dick last night or Curly even?

The Bar Steward:
What about me?

Brum Gunz:
What about ya?


The Bar Steward:
Why didn’t you ask if I pulled anyone?

Brum Gunz:
Alwright. Did ya pull any Cox last night?

The Bar Steward:
I’m not gay Koopa! In fact I pulled the fittest bird in the whole club. The whole town in fact.

Brum Gunz:
Yeah yeah, course you did.

The Bar Steward:
I DID! I pulled the most beautiful girl I’ve ever saw and she came back to ours with me!

Brum Gunz:
Did anyone else see her?

The Bar Steward:
No. But only because Miller fucked off with Bertha the rapist whale and Clint was running after Curly!

Brum Gunz:
So no one can back up ya story then.

The Bar Steward:
STORY! I’m not lying! It’s true. She was gorgeous and she was all over me!

Brum Gunz:
LOL. Okay Cox, I believe ya, I really do. You’re a big stud. A walking, rock hard Cox!

The Bar Steward:
That’s right. I am.
Anyway, forget about us. How’s it going with you lot back home? Any sign of the millions you said you were all gonna be making from the new patch?

Brum Gunz:
Nah, not yet. Uncle Connor said he is investing all of the extra cash we are making.

The Bar Steward:
Investing it into what?

Brum Gunz:
He said he is gonna start shipping in drugs himself, directly from Columbia. He’s got a big shipment all lined up. Do you know that Pablo Escobar use to make 20 billion a year! He made so much money, he use to lose about 5 billion a year cos the rats ate it in his lockup. We’re gunna be RICH!

The Bar Steward:
Wow, a family to be proud of alright. Look, don’t tell me anymore. The less we know the better; plausible deniability when the police come knocking.

Brum Gunz:
The money we’ll be making, the police will be working for us.

The Bar Steward:
Sure they will. Look Koopa, interesting chat but I’ve gotta go. I’ve got some emails to write.

Brum Gunz:
Who to?

The Bar Steward:
I’m writing to celebrities and inviting them to our pub for free. They can stop for nothing, eat for nothing and drink for nothing!

Brum Gunz:
Why do you wanna be doing that for?

The Bar Steward:
Publicity! Look at all of those idiots who go around all the Beatles old haunts in Liverpool. People love celebrity stuff. Once fans know their heroes have been into our establishment, we’ll have’em flocking here!

Brum Gunz:
Soundz like another great Cox idea.

The Bar Steward:
It is, and this time I’m not running it by Dad, Miller or Clint cos they know feck all!

Brum Gunz:
HA. Good luck with it then.

The Bar Steward:
Cheers. Night.

Brum Gunz:
Laterz.

The Bar Steward has left Brummy Chat