OMG SOMETHING AMAZING HAS JUST HAPPENED!!! I’m sure I mentioned it a few days ago; well one of my big ideas was to get some free publicity (it was idea number 3 on my list). I’ve been emailing celebrities and offering them the chance to drink and stay here for free. The idea was that they would turn up and then I’d let the press know, and then all of their fans would turn this place in to some kinda Mecca and flock ere, thus making us a fortune while we exploit them. On TV at the moment there is a reality program about an old 80’s rocker and his famous porno model girlfriend, well they were one of the people that I emailed and just ten minutes ago their manager rang me up. He said (in real bad cock-knee) that the couple (Mick Champagne and his partner Sunshine) would love to come and stay with us and enjoy our kind offer of free booze. He asked if I minded if the TV crew came with them too. Do I mind? I almost fell off my fucking chair. I played it dead cool though and said the more the merrier. I’ve hit the fucking jackpot! I’m such a fucking genius. I’m gonna be rich! Probably famous too. When people see such cool celebs in my pub, everyone in and out of town is gonna queue around the block to get in here. My family will have to queue to kiss my hairy ass in thanks of my mightiness, for all the money I will make us! The manager (Chas) asked if it was okay if Mick and Sunshine came down this Saturday and Sunday because they are flying out to America next week to record a new album together. I said that was fine and that we would look forward to having’em.
I’m more determined than ever now to get as many people as possible out of The Queens Legs tomorrow and into here. I want this pub looking busy when the cameras are rolling. I want the whole of the UK to see what kind of pub this is…OH SHIT! Fuck fuck fuck. It’s the Bakers birthday party on Sunday SHITTTTTTTT!